


The Official JLA - What to do if genderswapped - List

by therune



Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: jlu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-27
Updated: 2009-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 07:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therune/pseuds/therune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>clichéd bad!fic<br/>I warned you</p><p>also, many rules were written by various people at ff.net - sorry, but the co-author thing won´t accept your pseuds.<br/>Thansk again, guys</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Official JLA - What to do if genderswapped - List

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Prologue

Once upon a day, something unusual happened to the JLA. Well, something even more unusual than normally. They just came back from a mission; all happy (except Batman), satisfied (except Batman) and looking forward to something not so epic and from global importance (especially Batman).

On this mission they had received help from an old “friend“ of the Batman, Catwoman. Which was the main reason why she was with them up in the tower. Officially.   
No one really noticed that she was very close with Batman. (OK, everyone noticed it but was quickly silenced by the bat-glare.) It´s one way to ignore an ex-villain with amorous affection for one of your teammates, but another to ignore Catwoman who was basically clinging to Bats all the time. Who didn´t seem to mind it one single bit. While everyone was busy ignoring them, it slipped past everyone that they had already left the room.

The two were found roughly ten minutes later.

In a closet. In an advanced state of undressal. Flushed. Kissing. Moaning. And groping.

The universe blinked.

When the JLA tried to focus they faced an rather unusual problem. (Yes, more unusual than Bats and Catwoman locked in a closet and enjoying it rather enthusiastically)

Somehow, all of them had changed their gender.

They looked at each other. Then at themselves.

The reactions were...various.

Superman looked at his breasts. Then at his butt. Then he(?) combed his hair with his fingers quickly. “I didn´t expect to have curly hair“ he announced.

Diana, who had grown an enormous beard and a figure like a lumberjack, simply run to her room. She really had to find clothes. Big clothes.

J´onn blinked. Then shrugged and shapeshifted back. “I´ll be on monitor duty, if someone´ll need me.“ and then he walked out.

Catwoman and Batman interrupted themselves for a second while they examined each other.   
Surprisingly, Bats had very much Catwoman´s figure, except for a long, smooth mane of ebony hair cascading down his back. And Catwoman looked like Bruce...except for a little goatee and curly hair. After one second they returned back to kissing/groping/moaning/whatever.

That was when Guy Gardner let an earpiercing scream out of his mouth and lost conciousness.

1.We will stick to the old names

_Officially to avoid gender problems with persons like Superboy and Supergirl._

_The actual reason this rule was made was, because some people with non gender-specified names (Booster Gold and Blue Beetle) were making fun of people with them. (Superman, Animal Man and Elongated Man were pretty close to crying...and because Sir Justin tried to behead every heathen who would call him "Lady" again)_

2.Aquaman doesn´t think that the mermaid jokes are funny

_Apparently Booster thinks they are_

3.It´s not nice to tell someone that he/she looks like a dirty viking

_Even if Tora looks like one..and Diana states that she would be a Greek and not a Viking._

4.It´s not nice to call someone a dirty Greek

5.Swapping costumes may seem like a good idea because of the altered body physics, but is very confusing and should be avoided.

_This rule was added after Catwoman and Batman reappeared. In each other´s costumes.   
“They fit now better,“ they said, “Besides, Brucie needed a bra or we would have a lot of people drooling over what´s mine and I don´t like that.“ added Catwoman. Which left a lot of people with the mental image of female!Bruce in Catwomans underwear...Guy Gardner thought of the whip, began to nosebleed and dropped from his chair.When they both settled down on one chair (Bats on Catwoman´s lap) and began to make out in front of everyone Catwoman´s old costume was pushed up a little and a little red g-string showed...that was when the rest of the JLA became a nosebleed._

6.We will not shoot self-made porn

_Although Booster did his best to convince his buddie Blue Beetle to shoot a “hot steamy awesome porny lesbian-porn“ he didn´t succeed in the end. He then suggested to just film Catwoman and Batman at whatever they were doing.Beetle aggreed, but Superman melted their camera with heat vision before they even came near the two. _

7.We won´t curse J´onn for his shape-shifting powers.

8.No, we WON´T!!

9.Stop it already Wally!

10\. We will use the toilets designed for our current gender.

_This was brought up by Guy Gardner who needed to go to the bathroom very badly but couldn´t decide in which to go. His manly sense of pride strictly forbid him to enter a bathroom for females...but using it_ would _make sense. The matter was then easily settled. He heard noises from one of the bathrooms. He thought that he would ask who was inside and look how the other person decided. Guy opened the door just in the right  time to hear “Oh yes, yes. Right there! God, you´re so hot Bats! ooooh..-long moan-“ Guy quietly closed the door and headed for the other bathroom. Which happened to be the Lady´s room anyway._

11.The argument “But my boobs are bigger than...“ is officially out of order.

12.Yes, we mean you Booster.

13.Mocking your teammates who have major problems with their current gender is not funny.

_Guy nearly cried when a leering Power Girl told him that he had a nice butt. _

_Flash protests that he looks like a cheerleader princess-girly._

_The Huntress will get pissed if another one will drool over Question who resembles a super-super model now._

_Green Arrow feels uneasy about compliments on his outddor appearence. Especially because his boobs don´t fit in his costume and had to borrow a top from Black Canary._

14.Mocking your enemies who have major problems with their current gender is not funny.

_Although even Bats admitted that is was kinda cool when they saw a tape from Arkham when a cute-looking Jokerella was chased by a madly in love Harley Quinn (who looked awfully a lot like a Hell´s Angels biker) and yelled: “Save me Batman!!“ _

_Or seeing Two-Face with two lipsticks in hands and pondering wether the “Sunrise Peach“ looked better on the left or right side..or if “Glossy Pearl“ was matching his haircolor._

15.Superman does not look smashing in a skirt.

_Plastic Man disaggreed_

16.We won´t disturb Batman and Catwoman right now.

17.We don´t even WANT do find them now.

18.Looking for them was a bad idea, Beetle

19.No, I don´t think that this bruise is going to fade in between less then a week

20.You still look cute though

21.Booster Gold is hereby banned from adding further to this list.

22.Walking around in underwear does not improve morale.

23.Maybe yours, Vigilante, but the others find it quite disturbing

24.It is strictly forbidden to make someone have sex with you because “it´s

a) a now unique experience/opportunity

b) amazing how beautiful you have become

c) probably going to shock the others now

d) a good investment if we plan to go into porn movies

e) not going to be used to bribe you later on, I promise“

25\. No Booster. It´s wrong (sooooo wrong) to try to convince Tora into having sex with Guy just to try to make him pregnant and see what happens if we change the genders back and he is still pregnant.

26\. We will not try to convince the Question that the Stonecutters are behind this.

27\. Or the Illuminati/Assassini/Freimaurer/whatever-freaky-cult.

28\. And no girl scouts.

29\. We welcome any reasonable suggestion to solve our problem and return to our previous states

_But reasonable does not mean giving Plastic Man, Booster Gold, Flash and Blue Beetle a chemistry set , send them to a lab and tell them to brew something.   
(It was actually J´onn´s idea to keep them occupied so they would not disturb other members who were really able to might help the JLA. Giving them access to explosive chemicals was -however- **not** his idea)_

_Or to test internet theories on Mister Miracle._

_Or to grab yourself a magic item and try to make it work/grab a book and try to chant a spell using advice from the translating machine._

30\. Dr Fate is not responsible for this.

_Several leaguers accused him (mainly Booster who thought it may be payback for going through his stuff and send the superbuddies to hell-sort of). Dr Fate was sitting quite calmly on his couch and watched a Friends-Marathon on TV while this happened. After he recognized his current gender he got up, walked to his kitchen, grabbed a bucket of strawberry ice cream and returnd to the TV._

31\. The spell "Hocus Pocus fidibus" does not work.

_Please stop trying Green Lantern. It is encouraging to see your effort, but saying the same three words for 4 hours is just annyoing._

32\. "Shazam" does not work either Captain Marvel.

33\. For the record, I blame you

34\. I think we got it after the like-70th time Beetle.

_And no, blaming Booster won´t solve our problem. Although it´s a good method to relax._

35\. The buisness with nude/semi-nude/topless models-pin-ups (with or without their consent) has to stop now.

_Wonder Woman and Vixen had made half a fortune by taking pictures of confused genderswapped heroes and were now selling them. 10 dollar pro print._

36\. We will not establish a Cân-Cân dance group.

37\. Even humming the melody is forbidden.

38\. Huntress and Green Arrow would not make a cute couple.

_It would greatly upset Black Canary and her wrath is not something to be desired._

_And you don´t want the Question to hold a grudge against you. _

_No, you really don´t._

_We mean it._

39\. We will not ignore orders from superiors.

_The excuse "I don´t speak girly-language, so I can´t understand you, so I don´t listen to orders because I heard none, because I don´t speak girly language" is out of order. Definetely._

40\. If this is indeed a plan-for-world-destruction it is a very bad idea. No one has lost his/her powers..except Wonder Woman.

_Of course we suspect supervillains. But really...everyone´s gender was changed. Which supervillain would _

_1) think that would work_

_2)be nuts enough to pull it through and think it´s a good idea_

_3)like his gender changed?_

_Several people suggested the Joker, but since _

_1)he was at Arkham at that time and_

_2) he is evidently NOT enjoying it...we will think of another person._

41\. No, we don´t think Darkseid´s behind that.

42\. Our magical experts are doing their best to solve our problem.

_Poking does not improve Zatanna´s concentration.Stop it!_

43\. Singing is now officially considered as a physical violating act and will be punished. Severly.

_Ex-male leaguers discovered their voice range...and some of them (Flash, Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Plastic Man, Elongated Man, the Question) were using (or rather abusing) this. While one half sung various songs from Cats, the rest tried to produce the sound that could shatter glass._

_We admit that "Memory" by Beetle didn´t sound bad...but the rest was horrible. _

_Since singing wouldn´t shatter glass, Plastic Man tried burping to make glass shatter. While he was proudly trying to make a glass crack, the others were gesturing wildly for him to stop, because J´onn walked up behind him. To put it short, J´onn wasn´t happy...afterwards Plastic Man wasn´t , either. _

44\. Chasing fellow leaguers with mascara, kajal, lip stick, perfume, powder, body lotion and things alike is very inappropriate and hereby forbidden.

_Although seeing Booster run from Supergirl and Starfire who tried to improve his looks was quite funny. Or Superman hiding in the vents because Fire wanted him to try a dress on._

45\. The JLA won´t allow Kyle to train an official JLA cheerleading squad

46\. No, Guy, too, isn´t allowed to train it.

47\. It doesn´t even EXIST a JLA cheerleading squad.

48\. Male persons are not allowed among Etrigan.

_Since Etrigan the Demon became Etrigan the Succubus, he tried to devour male souls. With a lot of freaking out, screaming, yelling...until Captain Marvel knocked him out. _

49\. We will not hold a Wet-TShirt-Contest

50\. I think asking Batman if you could hold a Wet-TShirt-contest was a very bad idea Vigilante.

51\. We will not be upset that our robotic members ( Indigo and Red Tornado) are somehow unaffected.

_Be sensitive. Robots – non gender specified. Yes, I´ve seen "The Matrix". What about "A.I."...oh, come on! _

52\. Asking for help is never a sign for weakness. Normally.

_John and Guy, you must stop calling The Elders on Io right now, they cannot help you. Seeing you contacting them for two days now seems pathetic to us. Stop whining Guy!_

53\. John, stop calling Katma Tui and asked her to fill in. Yes I am serious!

54\. Katma, neither John nor Guy look good in midriff-bearing uniform.

_I mean it. _

55\. And not in steel bikinis.

_How did you get your hands on those anyway?_

56\. Costumes that reveal more than 80 percent of a person´s body are hereby banned.

_Including bikinis, corsets, fishnet stockings (Canary you look ridiculous in them now, please get yourself some pants), actual nudeness (put on some clothes already Dr Midnite!) thongs, extreme revealing bras, loinclothes, miniskirts (with emphasis on MINI) and see-through material (we don´t care how much of your body you´re covering we can still see everything)_

57\. We will not cause flaws/loopholes/errors/distractions/gaps in the timestream to correct this

_Get out of the time machine Booster! _

_And don´t you try to sneak back when we´re not looking._

_We assigned Batman to watch the time ma...hey, where did he go? _

_+oh...I love when you do that..lower, lower, meowrrrrrrr+_

_Trust me Booster, you don´t want to get into the time machine_

58\. We did warn you.

59\. Life goes on and we will not hide in shame because there is nothing to be ashamed off. **Hardy-Har-Har**

_Huntress will not have a female substitude from the League to teach her classes in daytime. Just come up with an alias._

_No, Question will not go in as Miss Victoria Sage the substitude either. For the sake of children's sanity._

**Who else thinks that J´onn should stop adding points to the list, shouts "AYE"**

60\. We will not paint Captain Marvel clothes white, put him in a skirt on, call him Mary Marvel and pretend nothing happened.

_Yes, that means also that you have to tell him that you´ve done it already, Diana._

_And that you´re sorry._

_Alright, even if you don´t regret it._

61\. Captain Marvel: you will not grab Mary Marvel, paint her clothes red, and send her off in your place.

_She´s just a little girl, leave her in peace. Although she looks like a pro-wrestler now._

62\. We will not perform a witching ritual that consists of taking our clothes of and gallons of massage oil..

_We know Jason Blood did NOT advise this, Guy. How? We asked him. You can tell them to stop now. _

_Oh, that was Batman and Catwoman - Leave them alone, ok?_

63\. Calling it a "fertility ritual" and bring in alcoholic beverage does not improve the situation.

_Much_

64\. The next to mention the words "queer eye", "make-over", "shaving", "tampons" or synonyms will be punished.

65\. The weekly movie night at the watchtower does not include porn.

_I know this has nothing to do with the gender-reversal but we felt that it should be said sometime._

66\. The same applies to home-made porn. With genderswapped people.

67\. High Heels are like a sword with two edges.

_Wearing them is hell. Beating people with them is hell for the others. You decide if you want to wear them._

68\. Could someone phone Maxwell Lord and tell him that our current situation is not

a) profitable?

b) good to promote?

c) funny

d) worth to design a new toy line, posters, commercials and magazines?

_And tell him that the pinstripe suit is making him look fat!!_

69\. Since the multiple requests the cafeteria will now offer a greater variety of non-carbon food, diet products, calories-reduced food and vegeterian/vegane stuff.

_You only look like woman, you don´t have to behave like one and go all "Do I look fat in that? I have to go on a diet and lose a few pounds. Dieting is good for body and soul you know."_

_You are superheroes. With all your activity you can´t get fat._

_Except you Beetle, but that was a vicious combination of childhood issues, eating disorder, bad luck and a mean metabolism._

70\. The speed force is impressive but unable to change your current state.

_Flash and Impulse, stop running in circles, ellipses, spirals, don´t rotate, make complicated patterns and stop banging your heads together. That is a sickening sound and all it brough us is a messed up floor and our shortage of plasters and painkillers._

71\. A DNA test may help us

_That is however no excuse for ocupying the laboratory for trying to clone someone. I mean you Robin._

72\. I blame you.

_We´ve gone through this Beetle._

73\. There will be no Ladie´s night at the bar until we decide wether we mean actual women (who were transformed) or the current ones (who are no real women but look like them)

_I did not question your gender Supergirl, but the situation is just confusing._

_It looks stupid when a guy on Ladie´s night...alright I get the point._

_I did not mean to insult your current form Aqua Man (yes, you do look nice) but you´re a guy at heart._

_Stop crying already you two._

74\. The genderswapping is no reason to redecorate rooms of certain leaguers with pink ribbons, stuffed animals, rainbow paintings, glitter or things alike.

_We didn´t find the one responsible yet, but we´re having the world´s greatest detective here. Somewhere. _

_I don´t know where he and his girl went but I´d rather not find out._

_We think it was Booster´s fault anyway._

_And Beetle´s, because he´s the mind behind their pranks._

_And Kyle´s involved in this. We don´t know how (or even why) but we will question them later on._

75\. No, you can´t emigrate to Themyscria Superman. Only females are allowed.

_But you aren´t...AAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHHHH!!_

76\. 'Thou shalt not pelt Batman and Catwoman with condoms

 

_That´s just ewwwwww._

77.A dislike for your new gender's underwear does not mean you can go without

_No, not even if you normally don't wear underwear either._

78\. No, you´re not allowed to wear edible undies, even if they are suitable for your current gender.

79\. You cannot raise Beetle into the rank of a highpriestess.

_Who had this stupid idea anyway? And what for? WHAT?!   
Because "Blue Beetle, the Azure Avenger, the buggy inventor, the blueness in person, highpriestess of the Justice League" sounds cool??Why not announce someone king when you´re in the mood?_

80\. Power Girl is not the King of the universe-that-is-so-impressed-by-Power Girl´s-powerness.

_Because 1) the universe-that-is-so-impressed-by-Power Girl´s-powerness. doesn´t exist, you just made that up_

_and 2) it´s just plain stupid._

81\. No popsicles in meetings anymore.

82\. You do well to remember your altered body physics.

_Just remember those emergencies in the elevators, because the ex-ladys didn´t thought about the more muscle weight and got stuck. Or ripped costumes because your new body doesn´t fit in it (a.k.a. the most embarassed ten seconds in Mister Miracle´s life). Or the lower alcohol tolerance of female persons. And fingernails, longer hair, curves where there were none before..._

83\. This situation is no justification for suicide.

_Shining Knight, yes, we mean you._

84\. Faith is never wrong.

_Except when every third word you hear is "god". Or you see the altar in the cafeteria. _

_It´s unbelievable how many people are christians now. Or buddhists. Or shintoists. Hindus. Muslims. Jews. Worshipper of greek/roman/egyptian/norse/native american gods. The prayers may be well-meant, but they are annoying. (You can´t walk 10 steps withpout hearing at least one Ave Maria)_

_Inventing your own religion is just cheap. I did tell you that Beetle is NO highpriestess. That religion doesn´t count. _

_Templar religion is freaky, stop it Vigilante!_

_And "The freaky Bat-Cult" is hereby informed that Batman does not approve. He is the goddam Batman, but he is no god. (He is not even a meta-human, he doesn´t have any superpowers.) Yeah, I don´t believe it either. Stop following him and kissing the floor on which he walks. And don´t touch the cape because you think it´s for luck.   
Just stay away from him._

85\. No, you´re not allowed to cling to Captain Marvel either.

_Yeah, we heard of the "powers from the gods"-thing, but as you can see he still has d-cups - so he will be of no big use to you._

86\. We won´t hinder you if you want to visit a surgeon to solve this problem.

_But we will also say "Told you so" when this situation changes back so abruptely like it happened. Cause then you´re gonna look like an idiot._

87\. The term "Women and children first" will be changed.

88\. I don´t think that "The Genderswap-Blues" will become very famous.

_That was polite for: "QUIT IT!!"_

89\. We would like to advise certain members that chauvinistic sentences are now even less appreciated than before.

_You deserved that Green Arrow._

90\. Yes, it does make us worry that some members started a Johnny Depp fanclub.

_We don´t have anything against fanclubs (just to mention it, each member him/herself has a few), but when the club with the motto "We love Johnny, and we want to have babies with you" consists of Aquaman, Speedy, Fire, Impulse, Elongated Man, all Green Lanterns (excluding Alan Scott, who joined the Orlando Bloom fanclub), Question and Animal Man...we do begin to worry. Much._

91\. Paranoia isn´t always a bad sign, it can be helpful in healthy doses...but only then.

_Stalking, taping, eavesdropping, bugging every corridor, and generally spying is however NOT healthy. And don´t think I didn´t see the axe you´re hiding behind your back. _

92\. No, Vixen is not the reincarnation of Otto von Bismarck.

_Although we can´t deny a certain similarity in appearence. Mostly the moustache._

93\. Following words are hereby banned and will under punishment and torture never be used again:

\- beyoch

\- bow-chicka-wah-wah

\- bonney lass

\- whipped cream (_trust me, you don´t wanna know)_

_\- _glitter

\- and handcuffs (_delicate story..never to be told)_

94\. We have established a special 24/7 emergency hotline for people who suffer from their current situation.

_It is inappropiate and revolting to use someone´s confession as blackmail. We expect that you apologize to Captain Atom, Booster._

95\. Acting like an idiot/moron/crazy badass/lunatic/rude person/dumbass can´t be blamed on your hormones anymore.

_And not on your altered proteinsynthesis, nano-biological processes, chemical sensores in your brain, molecule structure or subliminal messages. We figured out that you do that just to annoy us, Flash._

96\. Next female-looking person to say "oh, I need new shoes, let´s go shoppin´" will be tossed through the windows into space.

_the list of the words you should not say is hereby expanded by:_

_-shopping_

_-shoes_

_\- baseball_

_\- superbowl_

_\- budweiser and_

_\- whazuuuuuuuuuup_

97\. No, denial won´t help you through this, Beetle.

_No, you don´t have a heart condition. _

98\. Digging some graves up to look whether some of the corpses have changed, too, is wrong in so many reasons.

_Yes, that means puting them back where you got them._

99. Superman does not scream like a girl.

_O.K., he does...but that is no excuse for making up situations to make him scream. Guy, quit it!_

100\. We can´t forbid speed-dating now...but do you really think that was a wise choice?

101\. Burping contests are hereby prohibited.

 

_Captain Atom's belch irradiated the salad bar. Enough said. _

102\. Since Vigilante no longer has a baritone singing voice, he is giving voice lessons for the (newly) female leaguers; now that he can sing that high.

_I know we said that singing and other musical activities are prohibited...but hey, he makes money with it, he has to have some talent. Besides, it is more helpful than yelling at Booster to stay away from Fate´s room. _

103\. It is granted that Batman has no been devoting the fullness of his attention towards solving this problem, but he is not the only one with a brain in the League.

_That means:  a)use your own!_

_and b)he's just the only one with a girlfriend both horny and kinky enough to keep having sex with him all the time even though they're both the wrong gender_

104\. Jason Blood had a suggestion: Since he detected some magical disturbances he thinks that whole mess was caused by a woman, who was trapped in the body of a man (or the other way round), and decided to let the whole world feel what that is like.

_He´s an idiot._

_If I were trapped inside the wrong gender and had the ability to change ALL people to the wrong gender, why didn´t I just use it on myself?_

_What about surgery?_

_And no, that´s not a good excuse for annihilating a nightclub for transsexuals. Go apologise, Shining Knight._

105\. Yes, it could be Mr. Mxyzptlk behind all that.

_But we doubt it, because if that was his idea, he was already among us and laughing his butt off._

106\. Although we are genderswapped, you don´t have to use the shampoos and conditioner made for your current gender.

_Yes, you smell nice, but if we remember that behind the coconut-scent of your silky, blond hair, the vanilla-aroma of your peachy skin...that is you, Booster, we are scared._

107\. The line "in the future" is not to be used anymore in any context whatsoever.

_Not only from people from the future, but also from anyone else._

108\. Stealing J´onn´s chocos and blame it on your female-dna-engraved craving for chocolate was not a very good idea.

109\. We will not destroy the one ring.

_Why? Because it is Booster Gold´s legion flight ring which he needs to defeat villains._

110\. Unproductive demonstrations are forbidden.

_Running around with signs like "Prepare for the Apocalypse" and shouting "The world has come to an end, all hope is gone, darkness awaits!!" will not help us. And you´re annyoing us, Superman._

111\. Putting up webcams in the showers is just wrong in so many reasons.

_Yes, that means removing them. And don´t put up more after you removed the first set of webcams. We mean it, Wonderwoman._

112\. We respect each members individuality and support your means to demonstrate it to the world.

_But would you please wear something more than your skirt Supergirl? Seeing a Hulk Hogan-look-a-like in a red miniskirt is terrifying._

113\. No, "I was summoned as one of Dracula´s brides and were commanded to suck your blood" is not a real excuse.

_You can remove the plastic fangs and the flowing white dress now Aquaman._

114\. We don´t care what you read in those japanese magas, but drowning people in springs won´t help anybody.

_All Ranma 1/2 books will be destroyed._

115\. The time you´re allowed to spend in the public bathrooms is now limited by 20 minutes.

_We can´t believe how much time females spend in them. Blue Beetle set a new record by 4 1/2 hours, just to take a shower._

116\. It is highly probable that our DNA was affected by that change.(X/Y Chromosomes)

_Exposing random people to gamma rays, atomic spiders, nuclear waste and things alike is still forbidden._

117\. Yes, members who have locked up their places by voice recognition are screwed.

_But crashing down on J onn´s couch and call it a pyjama party with 25 other leaguers is kinda unfair._

118\. We are not sure if meditating helps, but since it makes Guy shut up, we will glady tolerate it.

119\. Yes, we experience some minor problems with our I.Ds.

_And driver´s licenses, credit cards, library cards, organ donator cards, membercard of the anonymous alcoholics, payback cards from the store, birth certificates, marriage papers, many contracts, sign-ups..._

120\. Make an appointment with the playboy for some photoshoots, just to use this oppurtinity to check out the bunnies is ... inapropiate.

_And that you actually are considered as "Playmate of the month" is ... frightening, Green Arrow._

121\. No kinky sex toys in the watchtower.

_I don´t even know where you got them, but please, Catwoman, we have to maintain a certain degree of authority, dignity...and what you do is so much more than just offending, it´s ...eye-scorching. And more_

122\. No, drugs won´t do any good, we suppose.

_After a very nasty encounter between Hal Jordan and a joint which he mistook for a cigar from the Orient, we highly doubt that drugs can ever do anything good._

_Except anaesthetics. Prozac in Batman´s food. And lots of morphium when dealing with Team Blue and Gold._

123\. No drastic changes in your costume colors.

_We don´t want to interfere with your personal liking, but this has to stop. Not everyone can change their outfit, because "this color makes me look fat", or "the blue doesn´t go with my eyes", neither "I think a little more lilac would look marvelous with my tan" nor "More leather to compensate for femalility-More leather to compensate for femalility-More leather to compensate for femalility-More leather to compensate for femalility-".   
No Guy, we don´t think that "femalility" is a word._

124\. No, you will not put yourself in suspended anmation to see if the future has a solution to this.

_Get away from those cryogen labs. And hibernating like a bear is not possible for you Black Canary, you´re just fat and looking for an excuse to eat the rest of the apple-pies up here._

125\. We discovered that the phone bills have indeed raised since the majority of our leaguers are from female nature now.

_This is not meant as an accusation, just merely a friendly hint to cut back on that._

_ESPECIALLY when all people you are talking to on the phone are in the watchtower and only minutes away from you, you idiots!_

126\. The request to our seamstresses for the same costume in 5 varieties is now banned.

N_o, we´re not picking on you Booster. This rule is for everyone. We mean it, Flash._

127\. You will not let yourselves go all pong and sweaty because you now look like men.

_You are a really bad image and have to bear the responsibility that you are role models for kids out there. Male kids. Who don´t want superheroes with stubble, pot bellies and beer breath._

_Or vodka breath...ok Ted, I didn´t mean to insult you here, really...do us all a favor, go find yourself a bucket of ice-cream and do girly stuff with Booster._

128\. By "No music whatsoever" yodeling was included.

_Stop it or fear Hawkman´s wrath. _

_Come to think of it, fear Hawkman´s wrath AND stop it!_

129\. The home curfew for Stargirl remains in place, and now for the S.T.R.I.P.E. as well.

You are now a woman and no longer fit in a battlesuit does not mean you can use spare time for dating.

_and hacking in my online dating profile wasn´t funny. You´ll pay. You´ll pay dearly._

130\. Anyone else who wear mechanical suits can take a leave until your new suit that fit the new gender is finished. Steel, Captain Atom, Big Barda and S.T.R.I.P.E. will have help to finish their new suits.

_And no, drastically changing your appearence (e.g. adding stars, sparkles, flower designs or abusing pink paint is strictly forbidden.)_

_Whoever wrote "Nancy Boy" on Barda´s suit may consider to run. Fast. Now._

131\. Indigo will now stand-in for Mr. Terrific and J'onn on mission organizing. She is a super-droid and not genderswapped, so she still functions normally, unlike the rest of us.

_She will remains so until Mr. Terrific stops crying and banging his head against the wall. Sorry to make you overwork._

_For the love of heavens, can´t you take it like a man?_

_...sorry, my bad. _

_Stop crying already!!_

132\. We realize that buying an entirely new warddrobe (not-costumes) suitable for your new gender can be costly.

_and irritates our seamstresses who already work hard enough trying to get your costumes you really need ready_

That said, you may only borrow clothes from someone

with permission.

Yes, _Booster, this include getting Skeets to perform the theft for you. You stretched Diana's favorite toga completely out of shape and she is out for your blood._

_Or your hot body, we don´t want to know._

133\. There will be an immediate end to all jokes about marriage counseling directed towards the Elongated Man.

_Just because he is the only married one in our current group, does not make him the only one in a relationship who has to whether our current problem. _

_The fact that his wife, who is a civilian, is not undergoing the problem, should also have no bearing on the situation._

_The fact that Booster is upset about not getting an answer to his "So, you gettin' any 'Brazilian' action lately?" question should also have no bearing on the situation._

134\. Guaranteeing the safety for our fellow heroes is the highest principle.

_No, we haven´t found the Atom yet. Yes, we did look there. And there. And there..._

135\. What we said about pin-ups, porn videos, naked photos also counts for acts. As well as for statues, aquarellic paintings, photos, photoshopped photos and drawings.

_Yes, with or without the aggreement of the person/s featured._

_This rule was written down (ok, typed down) after the foundation of "Dean Prince Productions: Where every dream comes true". It was a nightmare._

_When looking for the Atom we found a massive stack of photos of our team mates in compromising situations, some statues of Green Arrow (who considered changing his name to June), acts featuring naked people (she hasn´t bothered to put much effort to the faces so we´re still guessing who that should be), erotic portraits and some film material from spy cams (See?! No WEB-cams, I told you). _

_This will be rewarded with punishment from the League._

_No, we don´t mean bondage._

_masochist..._

136\. Denial isn´t helpful.

_We are sick and tired of the phrases "This isn´t happening!" and "I´m not seeing this!"._

_Stop putting fingers in your ears and stop singing "lalala, I can´t hear you"._

_We mean it, Beetle!_

137\. Alcohol isn´t going to solve this.

_Even if it is, drinking yourself into a stupor and a chemically induced coma to detox you from alcohol poisoning is a bad idea._

_Yes, we should have considered talking to Guy before it happened._

138\. Resorting to strange Asian herbs is just slightly better

_We didn´t have to induce the coma, that just happened._

139\. We are sure that we will laugh about this in a few years.

_If we make it this far_

140\. The Justice League does not support grave robbing in any form or to any use.

_That means bringing the mummies back to their pyramid. We will acknowledge that the Egypts have a very magical history. That is no excuse however to dig them up and search for magical artifacts._

141\. Stay away from Green Lantern (John).

_He had a certain monthly visit by female...things. _

142\. Craving unusual food, yelling and insulting, depressions, rapidly changing emotions are a symptome of pregnancy.

_OMG please not Batman, please not Batman, please not Batman_

143\. Try to express yourself in other things as random destruction and building doomsday devices.

_Write a haiku or something. Or at least be quiet, Huntress._

144\. We don´t know where the chastivity belt cam from.

_But keeping certain people from reproducing may not be a bad idea._

_And no, it doesn´t have an effect on Batman and Catwoman. Heavy petting, necking and two experts in lockpicking made sure of that._

145\. We don´t know who told you that female DNA equals domestic abilities, but it´s wrong, Booster.

_In any way, you are not to approach the kitchen ever again. Same goes for vacuum cleaner, featherdusters and other cleaning objects._

_In fact, please don´t do anything._

_We have enough holes in the wall, stains of questionable source on the carpets, crying staff members etc._

146\. No, piggy latin is not considered as a language of pure magic.

_Chanting "I tanway ay namay wonay" won´t help you. Speaking backwards won´t either._

147\. Members speaking piggy latin are not possessed by the devil

_If we hear one more "The power of Christ compels you" ...you don´t want to know_

148\. We are not sacrificing any virgins.

_Not "real" ones and not "newly" ones. _

149\. The yoga classes welcome new members. Also do the Buddhists, meditating classes, pilates trainings and the Poetry-for-beginners. Yes, and the Ikebana class.

_Please be peaceful. Balanced in mind and soul. Certain members are recommended to visit at least one of them. (Vixen, Kyle Rayner, Animal Man...to mention a few...)The fight after "Boah, that chick is hot!" and "That´s Jay Garrick" is merely one point to add to the What-we-will-never-do-again list._

_Good...and now write that 100 times at the blackboard Plastic Man!_

150\. We have another problem, people. Someone leaked the news and now a whole bunch of our friends and families (who are not genderswapped) came crashing through the Justice Tower, and Bob, the tech boy beamed them all up here. We need another ammendments...

_And no, Bob did not do it as payback for your flirting with him when he didn´t recognize you, Supes. _

_Leave him alone already!_

151\. No, we will not sacrifice our firstborns.

 

_Or any other children. In fact, we won´t sacrifice anyone. And that´s our final word._

_That includes Booster Gold, too. The excuse "he isn´t even born yet" does not count. _

_...you do realize I can see the scythe you´re trying to hide behind your back, Canary, don´t you?_

152\. All copies of "Basic Magic: Spells for Dummies" are to be burned.

_Now, before anyone gets his/her hands on the babelfish translation machine._

153\. Re-enactement of the Cafeteria Fiasco are banned. Forever

154\. No, you´re not allowed to purchase time-share appartements on Themyscira, Beetle

_..what was that of Kooey-Kooey?_

155\. Changing your codename from "Captain Atom" to "Queen Beatriz from Belgia" is not permitted.

_changing "Animal Man" to "Playmate Bunny" not permitted either...especially without asking him first._

156\. It could be punishment for what we did wrong in previous incarnations...

_but since it _ _ is  _ _Captain Marvel playing hopskotch in a frilly skirt, we doubt it._

157\. We don´t encourage Harakiri, Seppuku or other forms of suicide out of honor reasons.

_We don´t encourage suicide, homicide, or killing in any form. Out of any reasons._

158\. We don´t know who (or how) smuggled Poison Ivy´s pheronome plant-powder (aka Sexpollen) up to the Watchtower.

_But we will make someone pay for him._

159\. Following items are hereby banned from the Watchtower:

\- Superhero Action figures

_no need to rub it into our face, Red Tornado._

\- marshmallows

\- copies of the third season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

_you don´t wanna know_

160\. Yes, asking Young Justice for help wasn´t the brightest idea, Flash.

_We don´t doubt the abilities of some members._

_We fear the incompetence of the rest._

_We won´t tell any names...Slobo_

161\. Asking Darkseid was an even worse idea.

162\. We are not making a yearbook out of this.

_\- We won´t nominate Mister Miracle and Big Barda as as "loveliest couple" ...ok, they are lovely, but I told you we won´t make an album._

_\- Booster Gold is not the favorite for "Best smile"_

_\- And Blue Beetle is not the "#1 Geek" (Mister Terrific is)_

163\. When arguing with J´onn the phrase "But Mooo-oom" is not to be used.

_Ever._

_Again._

164\. Snapping a few pictures for your memory album is okay (with the permission of the people portrayed).

_And "Paparazzi is such a harsh word" is not a good excuse, Diana._

165\. The rumors that Batman is trying to rewrite the Kama-Sutra are not confirmed.

_but everybody knows that anyway..._

166\. Throwing bananas at a fermale Grodd is humiliating.

_For you, because he throws back..and he has a very good aim. _

167\. The exclamation "I found Ray Palmer!" should not be yelled everytime you see dust and suspect him to be in there.

_Or if you see anything tiny and red. Or a sliver of blue. Or just anything very small that seems to move..or not to move._

_No, we haven´t found him yet. No, we didn´t stop looking, we were just taking a break...which lasted over a week now._

168..For the heros that do have young children please say away from them until you are all back to normal.

_The last thing we need is for them to get all hysterical and wonder who the real mommy or daddy is. _

_And our insurance does not cover the costs for therapists._

_We also don't need them to go to school and tell other children they have two mommies or daddies (when the day before they had only one of each). _

169\. Don't get other leaguers pregnant!

_Well, we can´t forbid you to you-know-what but we mean that rule as in the meaning of _

_"getting other leaguers pregnant to look what happens, _

_to annoy them, _

_for scientific experments, _

_because you are drunk, _

_because you want to see someone suffer (be it mother or ...other mother) _

_because it seemed like a good idea at that time and _

_because you just felt like it."_

170\. We don´t think that a special diet would help to alter your metabolism to encourage the produce of some hormons.

_Especially if it consists of Chocos._

_WHAT?!_

171\. We are also not producing a swimsuit- calendar.

_not even for charity. And certainly not for Dean Prince._

_Although you do look hot in a bikini, Beetle._

_And you look good wearing...whatever that tiny piece of fabric is, Booster._

172\. We won´t relocate our annual picnic to Mardi Gras.

_That didn´t prevent some leaguers from sneaking off._

_Captain Glory returned with some model on either of his arms._

_Guy didn´t return at all._

_And Hal Jordan returned with the most impressive collection beads I´ve ever seen._

173\. You are not a lesbian that is trapped in a man´s body which was transformed into a female body by mystical forces and you have not fallen in love with a gay guy whose female body was twice reversed and is now a hetero female in a male´s gay body.

_Shut up Captain Atom!_

174\. You won´t find a genderswitch potion in a cereal box.

_That was just a lame rumor spread by Booster Gold to get rid of his Booster-O´s._

175\. Sleepwalking is no excuse for raiding the kitchen...

_during daytime, you idiots_!


End file.
